My son’s secret life?
I’m concerned about my son. He’s 17 years old, he’ll be graduating high school this year. He have been taking a college course at community college ever since he was a junior. He also is highly ranked in ROTC and leader for raider team and is one of very few to be on physical fitness for three years. He also is an accomplished varsity wrestler. And have been doing mixed martial art ever since wrestling season was over during his freshman year. He even had done a couple boxing, kickboxing, and grappling matches and always did very well in them.
I’m very proud of everything he did. But what bothers me is, lately I’ve been learning lot of things that really bothers me.
Outside of ROTC and mixed martial arts, he has very few friends. Almost all of them are female friends from college who are rather odd. They all dresses really odd, many have unnatural hair color, and other things. Most of them appear to be in early 20’s. My son hangs out with them way more than anyone else. I tried to not let it get to me at first.
However I start to find blood stain on his shirt, I start to find scars on his body that he’d try to hide if asked about it, and other things.
We also notice he never panic when he saw his own blood, in fact he seems to like the sight of it.
A couple days ago, we installed a software on computer that would allows us to see what our kids are doing on the computer (we’re more worried about our three younger children). To my shock, I found a couple pictures of some of those girls he hang out with drinking blood and playing with blood.
We also found from his online journal that he basically do wrestling and mixed martial arts simply because he get thrills out of it and hurting other people and getting hurt.
He also states some things he have done that we didn’t know of. He talks about sneak into abandoned building, climbing then reppell down a very tall building in our city at night, falling off cliff and crashed through branches when he went on some rock climbing, biking sixty miles to beach and almost died when he got caught in rough wave, pulls some pranks off, getting in fight, and other things.
We also learned that my son have been lying about where he was majority of the time. Often he’d say he’s at library, training late, and other things so he can do all those dangerous things. We also learned on weekend, he’d regularly go out to meet foreigner tourist and hang out with them and play guide for them.
We haven’t told him anything about this since we don’t want him to find out we were spying on him and other kids.
Not long ago, he came and told us he plans on joining the army and wants to go to recruiting office. We thought it’d be ok since he’d probably get accepted in a good university. But now he wants to go in as 11X (infantry/special force) with airborne school as option instead of attending a university that he got accepted into!
I am having very hard time to deal with all of this. I don’t even know if I should approach him about any of those things. I used to think he was a really good kid. But now I feel like there may just be another whole world that we didn’t know of. Is there any possible underlying issue behind this whole thing?
first of all i don’t think any parent should spy on their kids… no matter what… the blood and scars are probably from him self harming… it’s not a suicide thing.. it’s just a way to express pain… the friends that he hangs with.. are probably nice people.. and they were probably drinking red cordial or something like that just for the photos… the only way u are going to find out and get ur son help if he needs it.. is to be honest with him… tell him u spy on him.. tell him u think he needs help.. don’t yell at him.. ask him to explain why… good luck
April 1st, 2010 at 4:15 am
You should follow him the next time he goes out and catch him in the act of whatever he is doing and straighten him out.
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April 1st, 2010 at 4:29 am
I would tell you what to do but then i would be breaking rules 1 and 2
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April 1st, 2010 at 5:16 am
Your son knows what he wants.
He has done everything in order to prepare himself for what he really wants to do in life.
He’s good at fighting, at stess management, at keeping secrets…
joining the special force is the best thing you could do for him.
You will be even more proud of him when you’ll see what he really is capable of doing.
let him choose his path.
If he likes -and is more than talented- in an unnatural field like this, you should not worry about him, on the opposite, you should provide him with your support -that he does not need, because he is obviousely very motivated-.
Don’t see it as a bad thing because he’s not following what you expected of him.
Don’t see it as a bad thing that he was doing apart and in a hidden fashion what he was sure you would have stopped him from doing if you knew -since it’s so dangerous-.
Be glad that all what he has done is a part of a very elaborated plan for his own future. He was not killing, but preparing.
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April 1st, 2010 at 5:40 am
My God,he hangs around people who drink blood,like a vampire,how strange.Maybe that new movie "Twilight" got them into acting like a vampire,who knows?And since he’s almost 18 there may not be much you can do as far as trying to control him.I know all of us parents worry,but once they are on their own there’s not much we can do about what path they decide to take.Teenagers rebel,that’s just how it is.Hopefully he’ll mature and decide to get out of all the strange stuff.As far as choosing college or the armed forces,it is ultimately his choice,he’s too old to be treated like a baby.Just pray.
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April 1st, 2010 at 6:28 am
Yeah, I think the boy’s got problems. You’ve presented waay too much for me to deal with, though. You need to mainly ask him about his reasons to choose the army over a decent college; the drinking blood thing… well, could be that his friends are doing it, not him. I would stop monitoring his computer if I were you guys; if I found out my parents were doing that to me, I’d go ballistic, run away from home or choose to see them less.
So, come out to him and admit you did it and promise to stop. Try to close the distance you have with him now, ask him why he only hangs out with those weird people, I think it’s an ok question myself; if I’m wrong, I don’t think it’ll hurt your rel-ship with him.
Take it to a psychologist for the rest!
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April 1st, 2010 at 7:01 am
First off, your son is 17. Many teenagers think they are immortal to some degree, hell I used to be one, and I did stupid stuff too. Personally, I think you should let him be for most things, most of those things are probably phases.
Thrill seeking is a normal thing, that you should talk to your son about, because there is a right way, and a wrong way to do it. Hell, for his 18th birthday you can look into taking him skydiving.
As for the blood thing, definitely a phase, went through it myself when I was his age (I’m now 22).
For the military decision… He’s young, he can join the military and still go to school eventually. There is no age limit on college and the military will pay for it. If he makes a career out of military, is that so bad? It’s dangerous, yes, but if that is what he wants, then so be it. He can always get out of it if he finds its not of his tastes.
As for the older women… I had a 23 yr old girlfriend when I was 18… And yes, she wasn’t exactly normal, into fetishes and the like. Let him experiment. He is a guy, he has a libido, and he will want to have sex (I am assuming he is having sex). If he wants to have rough sex, and gets a rise out of pain, they have a word for that. Its called masochism. Its not a mental disorder, its just a sexual preference, as long as it doesn’t become a danger to him and he doesn’t take it too far.
Watch your son from the side, maybe talk to him about the thrill seeking, and how he should find a more legal and controlled way to do it. But everything else… no need to worry. There are plenty like him. I’m sure he is not depressed. And he doesn’t seem destructive. And he is again, a TEENAGER. He’ll grow up.
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April 1st, 2010 at 7:37 am
I’m not sure if there is much that you can do with out telling him that you’re spying on him. As a parent I never do that with out telling my chidlren because even though they don’t like it they don’t feel betrayed. My almost 17 year old daughter knows that I want know who her friends are and where she’s going. You’ve let your son get away with more freedom because he’s a boy and now you’re learning that boys need the same limits that the girls do. Once he’s 18 you don’t have much say about what he does because legally he’s an adult. Going into the Army might be just what he needs to get a grip on reality before he ends up with a record or badly hurt. At least in the army he’ll be trained to do those thing properly and even though he might go in with the option not everyone is accepted. It sounds like your son feels like he needs to cheat death in order to feel alive what you might want to do is try to figure out why he feels that way. But at this age there isn’t really much you can do with out pulling him back and giving him a curfew and monitoring what he does more. But that might be really really hard and push him away from you. You and your husband have some things to think about. Especially about how you’re going to approach your son and admit that you’ve been spying on him and his sisters. You might have a trust issue with them from now on though.
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Mother of three 34,30 and almost 17
April 1st, 2010 at 7:51 am
I think there are definitely some things to be concerned about that go beyond the realm of teenage experimentation.
The fact that he socializes with people that you think are weird is pretty normal. The blood thing is somewhat weird but rituals and fascination with blood have been documented for centuries.
The covert adventures indicate that he’s probably a thrill seeker which although dangerous isn’t necessarily abnormal.
I would really be concerned about the predisposition to violence.
This seems like behavior with dangerous or fatal consequences.
I would also be interested to know if the desire to join the Special Forces is because of the danger involved or to learn effective ways to kill people and have the opportunity to do so.
You should definitely share this information with a psychologist or psychiatrist since you’ve seen some warning signs. I would also be certain to lock away any firearms or other weapons if they are present in your home.
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April 1st, 2010 at 8:26 am
first of all i don’t think any parent should spy on their kids… no matter what… the blood and scars are probably from him self harming… it’s not a suicide thing.. it’s just a way to express pain… the friends that he hangs with.. are probably nice people.. and they were probably drinking red cordial or something like that just for the photos… the only way u are going to find out and get ur son help if he needs it.. is to be honest with him… tell him u spy on him.. tell him u think he needs help.. don’t yell at him.. ask him to explain why… good luck
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April 1st, 2010 at 8:37 am
Playing with blood, drinking blood or things that look like blood- it’s usually a fetish based on sexual urges or the need to appear wildly different than other people.
For now you shouldn’t worry about his friends, you should explain your concerns to your family doctor and he may be able to offer medication or the number of a good therapist.
You are allowed to be very proud of your son but what you need to do now is get him some help. Immediately. Some people may argue that is could be the beginning of a sociopath or "boys just being boys".
Do not let either deter you. You cannot pass judgmenton his actions but you are his mother and you need to help him even if he doesn’t want help.
This could be serious, if you do not want problems with your boy later in life, it is best to get everything out in the open now.
Be understanding, even if you don’t understand it, but also be firm.
You are the parent, you make the decisions.
The part about extreme sports make it seem like he may just have a thrill-seeking problem. But the fact that he enjoys being hurt and hurting other people could tell of a mental health issue that needs to be assessed immediately.
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April 1st, 2010 at 8:57 am
HOOAH.
you do realize that 11X is not actually an MOS correct?
if he decides to go that route, then he’ll attend OSUT for 17-weeks…
he lists his infantry preferences, and based on the "needs of the Army", just like with any MOS someone may choose, it is not guaranteed, he’ll then be placed where he is needed.
so, hooah.
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